how much is too much

Discussion in 'Community Forum' started by ojibwa62, Jan 12, 2019.

  1. ojibwa62

    ojibwa62 12 pointer

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    Just I would share a little piece of my world.. My wife and I have been married about 15 years , both of us married before for about 18 years.. she had two boys and me one.. Her youngest Alex lives with us and is 23 he has some developmental delay and is high functioning in the autistic spectrum also has a few other issues , fine motor skill issues and dysgraphia are two.. He has had a couple jobs just basic things like working as a dishwasher in a hospital , had that job for 3 years before we move. He also gets SS disability, currently not working at all and it's driving me nuts.. what he does now is get up at 7:30am or so turns on his computer and plays video games till 10pm every day 7 days a week, I don't even know how that's humanly possible without dying from blood clot in your legs.. We are working with the folks at voc rehab trying to find him another job.. Did I mention he also has oppositional defiance disorder and every conversation can turn into and argument or blow up on his part, if you have an autistic kid you know what it's like if they lose it. I really can't take much more gotta get him back to work... Cause right now it's sit in his room playing games , comes out to eat then back in his room , bed and repeat the next day which works because the more I look at him the madder I get. Wife says I have to pick my battles but that doesn't make it better. I guess this was more of a vent.. lol
     
  2. carnivore

    carnivore 12 pointer

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    Can he drive? He needs to be away from people, and a man can make a lot of money driving a truck. Given his medical issues local stuff (construction) may be best rather than OTR. OR... Amazon UPS and fedex need people to load and unload trucks and trailers. Guys like him get to work alone most of the time and a decent manager can make it work. He’ll get in decent shape if he puts effort in as well.
    My ex had a brother that sounds similiar (but he was also a criminal.) He stayed with us for a few weeks and one night he woke me up at 3am while ranting to a girlfriend on the phone yelling and screaming like an idiot waking up the neighbors. I totally lost my cool and the cops ended up pulling me off him.(Someone had called on him earlier.) i thought i was going to jail but fortunately after reviewing his record (warrants) they took him rather than me. You need to deal with it before you snap and hurt him.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2019
  3. bowhunter269

    bowhunter269 12 pointer

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    I know nothing about the developmental issues you describe, but if he’s able to work you (and more importantly your wife) need to sit down and lay down some rules. He needs to find a job (or 2 or 3) to work 40 hours a week if he continues to live under your roof. If not, he will be playing video games at your house at 40. Tough love called the real world. My .02 cents.
     
  4. ojibwa62

    ojibwa62 12 pointer

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    Because of his motor skill issues and dysgraphia he can not drive. We do think at some point could live independent with limited supervision, would also need public transportation.
     
  5. ojibwa62

    ojibwa62 12 pointer

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    Have you ever delt with 5yo when you take something away , except the 5yo weighs 285#.. He also can not work 40 hours because of his SS disability. I guess its hard to get accross the details of the situation Tough love won't work givin his metal facilities he does not understand that it would be for his best and thinks we are just being mean. So it's not like dealing with a typical lazy 23 yo, mentay he is closer to 12..
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2019
  6. Genesis 27:3

    Genesis 27:3 6 pointer

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    Shouldn't be hard to find another dish washing job.a job is a job.you are the head of the house.sho gods love but put your foot down a let him know he has to have some kind of job in a certain amount of time.
     
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  7. baknblack

    baknblack 8 pointer

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    Tough situation with no good answers. There has to be some support networks for people in your situation. Kentucky is not the best state for finding help with such things.
     
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  8. barney

    barney 12 pointer

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    Where does his check go?
     
  9. ojibwa62

    ojibwa62 12 pointer

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    We are working in that direction , the wife and I have had lots of long talk together and with the boy.. She is thinking within a year we should have him in an apt and working, he is working with voc rehab who help folks with disabilities mental and physical.
     
  10. bowhunter269

    bowhunter269 12 pointer

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    Tough situation. Best of luck to you guys.
     
  11. ojibwa62

    ojibwa62 12 pointer

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    There is some support in KY not as good as some other states and it's in process it just takes a little time.. When we were in GA they had lots of support, I have tried to get him to move to his dad's in GA , but his dad doesn't want him.. we will get it worked out in Gods time..
     
  12. Genesis 27:3

    Genesis 27:3 6 pointer

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    I'm sure it's tough.most of us don't totally understand all the disabilities that makes your situation different then a lazy step son.just continue to pray about it and everything will work out.
     
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  13. bgkyarcher

    bgkyarcher 12 pointer

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    That's gotta be tough. I can't imagine. My nephew is delayed, with highly functioning Aspergers. He's in 8th grade. He's a happy kid, all the time, thank God. All I could add is pray, and be patient. Seek help, anywhere you think you can get it.
     
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  14. JR in KY

    JR in KY 10 pointer

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    I admire your perseverance and your faith, but the situation is most likely not going to change.
    This seems to be a situation that you married into and maybe didn't realize how it was going to turn out. I know. Love is Blind and I might have done the same thing.
    Probably would have, hoping for a better outcome.
    I would say that you are stuck with him more or less forever, bad as it may be unless you decide on a radical solution of some sort.

    I have a 10 yr old grandson who has problems too and I can't see him ever making a go of it on his own. He is not violent yet but it's all I can do to tolerate him for a few hours at a time.
    Good Luck to you and I sincerely hope for the best outcome possible.
     
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  15. mudhole crossing

    mudhole crossing 12 pointer

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    I'm a supported employment specialist for a mental health agency and I work directly with voc rehab. I currently have an autistic 19 year old working at his local Walmart. It has done him so much good and it gives mom a break as well. Hope things work out.
     

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